Survived

  

  I cant believe I actually didn't blog at all within this few recent months after so many things happened. Believe me, I do wanna update and briefly say about everything. However, I'm momentarily stunted buy all things happened , I'm so speechless and clueless. What can I do?



         First thing first I was graduated from Pre U programme. It went on as planned. I survived, I was able to graduate and waiting for the results is all I can do now. This Pre U stuff had never been easy for me. I was late joiner into this programme and the never homework actually made me feel endless. I have dreamed of the day I actually end this and the feeling of stress-free. This programme got me like an eternity. The exam went on and on and never end. If you're smart enough, you will not need to retake exam. Well, I'm not the smart one apparently. I have even broke down not only once, secretly weeping myself in too many occasion. I scream into my hollowness and got myself drawn. I wanted to give it up too many times. Someday, I happened to be in school as usual and the I-cant-do-it-anymore feeling was getting so intense and I couldn't control it in time. I wanted to storm out of my class in the middle of lessons and I suppressed myself so hard not to movie a single muscle of my legs. Or else I would find myself falling asleep during middle of the lesson, teachers no longer can help waking me up.


           I found it was time consuming and I don't belong that. I wanted to quit. As I recall , I do have mental broke down once or twice. I spend most of my time study and sleeping. There's always sleep or study or something related to study like searching for my book eh? I have no life. Keep telling myself there is only one and a half year and I'm way more stronger than that. I can't be defeated by it! And the thought of survive is too good that I really want to be one of it.
And then day by day, the thought of quitting aren't that disturbing cause my exam was just getting near. For God's sake , I just have to get one thing done and I'll be off! And I eventually survive. It require a great deal of determination and I'm really proud of myself I actually survive to the thing I think I don't. I think I would've quit but I didn't. My results aren't good and I wasn't expect it'll be good. Just be as I deserve, simply because I deserve. My life went miserably after that. Looking for jobs and working life are still new for me. So, just pray for the best.