I ain't looking back.

          

  I'm so messed up with everything. How do I know that? Because the urge of staying late has became stronger and stronger and I'm now no longer fall asleep in normal sleep time.



             The reason suppose to be my revision , my exams. However , it's not. I'm GAMING. I asked myself not only once like "Seriously Pui Kee, You really want to do that now?" I'm like "I'm out of control , just one game , it hurts no one." and it had became a habit like necessary game then I'm willing to go to bed.


             It sucks. I was having exam next week , and it's important to though it was the retake subjects. If I did really well I wouldn't retake these but it had became a FACT that I'm inferior.
I was suppose to study. Yeah , I was finished sem 3 STPM but feels like gonna retake again.
The endless retake make this form 6 seems like eternity. 


          
             This post was edited. The original was full of negative thinking and sick words. I already had it at everywhere , I don't need it here. So , I was trying to be encouraging and inspiring. But I'm just lost in minds and drown in thoughts. 


                I'm praying. For everything it's going to happen , make sure it's good one. Everyone has a choice and we already made our choice regardless our consciousness. Staying form 6 was a choice and probably God made me into it. National Service was a choice which especially given to some of us and it's not mandatory I guess. And staying this class was a choice too. I still remember the first day I enter my secondary school as a form 6 student. I was given a chance to choose. 


                 Meeting these bunch of people is also a choice. Falling in love and being in love are choices to be made while I was too fool and naive to be the one who choose. It was a wrong decision and I ain't regret. I was happy but the expectation was to the wrong person. It breaks me in certain ways. Being in a part of the dramas and gossips are also a choice. I don't really know what to say. 



                  I wanted to blame someone for there but realize it's all my choice after all is kinda breaks me.  I'm the on who made the choices and now I'm the one who responsible for it. There's no regret but just it's all wrong decision. A bunch of wrong decision leads you no where but to introspec yourself in every way you did.



                   However , I ain't going back that way. So, don't ever look back. NEVER EVER.