So wanted to say everything went great but it didn't. It mattered me a lots. I'm still inferior no matter what I've done. Things fall apart like they suppose to and I've to be prepared in the next second to hold it before it broke. And that's what I do , always. I hold on to those are going to break apart. And whether I could hold it a not , it doesn't matter , cause no one care about it after all.
Last Saturday was suppose to be a normal day like one of those days. I was working and my mum was going to get my results from school and my brother as well. Least expect of it could be the root of all pain now. I couldn't expect any of these from my teacher's comment. I wasn't bad , that's all I know. And I've been trying , trying to be good and capable of study any of these. But all I get was I couldn't understand when she's explaining , and I got shit in all the trials and monthly tests which mean completely nothing and okay for me. That doesn't important as the STPM. Why don't we just focus on STPM and let the all shits happen in the trials and monthly tests? My teacher was like you couldn't do well in the ordinary and easier trials and monthly tests how are you going to score in the real STPM?
I wanted to say I have my ways to do it all. My SPM's trials aren't good either. I failed in chemistry but ended up in A- in the exact SPM. I do know that I can't compare the former of any exams with STPM , but my point is even I'm slacking all the time , doesn't mean I'm bad as you thought. You should've supported me instead. I didn't do anything doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean anything at all.
I'm not good , I knew. But I do know that I'm not inferior so. I knew how the way you thought of me. I'm a working student. I'm poor. I'm working in the I should be study period. All you think was the main concern of a student should be study , there's nothing else. In that matter , you're right , you're so right. But I wasn't that type of student. I did pretty much of things other than study. I've never been a full timer of anything else in my life. Even I'm not poor , I will definitely find others thing to do as well.
I've been been inferior in my parents' eyes. Not in decade. Not like now. I am being watched all the time , and all the talks we share was about study. How am I gonna pass those like I used to be , even score them like I suppose to. I cant even drive or occasional hanging out with friends. Study is my full time now. Even holding a novel seems to be so wrong. I'm totally restrained and restricted. Guessing I might have no life from now until the end of this semester.
Okay , I knew that I should've passed everything. And I did , as always in my real STPM. But I cant guarantee to you with this time. There's a big probability that I might fail one. For that matter , I rather fail one subject and get good grade for others. Somehow I fail to manage. Even until now , I'm still unable to balance myself to the situation like not realizing I've completely no choice but to carry on. My parents was saying I will have a car to bring myself to school but now? I have nothing but to sit on others car and late almost everyday. I'll get Iphone but now guessing I might have to get it myself. I mean what do you still expect from me when you gave me nothing as you promised? I worked myself to get it and I don't feel that's wrong. I couldn't did well because it's hard and I'm lazy. I'm messed , I'm screwed. Don't you see it? I want to have my own space and I will not have to stay until late night to have it and to be completely alone and enjoy the minimum silence and peaceful I could ever have in one day.
As a matter of facts , I do know. I'm inferior.
Last Saturday was suppose to be a normal day like one of those days. I was working and my mum was going to get my results from school and my brother as well. Least expect of it could be the root of all pain now. I couldn't expect any of these from my teacher's comment. I wasn't bad , that's all I know. And I've been trying , trying to be good and capable of study any of these. But all I get was I couldn't understand when she's explaining , and I got shit in all the trials and monthly tests which mean completely nothing and okay for me. That doesn't important as the STPM. Why don't we just focus on STPM and let the all shits happen in the trials and monthly tests? My teacher was like you couldn't do well in the ordinary and easier trials and monthly tests how are you going to score in the real STPM?
I wanted to say I have my ways to do it all. My SPM's trials aren't good either. I failed in chemistry but ended up in A- in the exact SPM. I do know that I can't compare the former of any exams with STPM , but my point is even I'm slacking all the time , doesn't mean I'm bad as you thought. You should've supported me instead. I didn't do anything doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean anything at all.
I'm not good , I knew. But I do know that I'm not inferior so. I knew how the way you thought of me. I'm a working student. I'm poor. I'm working in the I should be study period. All you think was the main concern of a student should be study , there's nothing else. In that matter , you're right , you're so right. But I wasn't that type of student. I did pretty much of things other than study. I've never been a full timer of anything else in my life. Even I'm not poor , I will definitely find others thing to do as well.
I've been been inferior in my parents' eyes. Not in decade. Not like now. I am being watched all the time , and all the talks we share was about study. How am I gonna pass those like I used to be , even score them like I suppose to. I cant even drive or occasional hanging out with friends. Study is my full time now. Even holding a novel seems to be so wrong. I'm totally restrained and restricted. Guessing I might have no life from now until the end of this semester.
Okay , I knew that I should've passed everything. And I did , as always in my real STPM. But I cant guarantee to you with this time. There's a big probability that I might fail one. For that matter , I rather fail one subject and get good grade for others. Somehow I fail to manage. Even until now , I'm still unable to balance myself to the situation like not realizing I've completely no choice but to carry on. My parents was saying I will have a car to bring myself to school but now? I have nothing but to sit on others car and late almost everyday. I'll get Iphone but now guessing I might have to get it myself. I mean what do you still expect from me when you gave me nothing as you promised? I worked myself to get it and I don't feel that's wrong. I couldn't did well because it's hard and I'm lazy. I'm messed , I'm screwed. Don't you see it? I want to have my own space and I will not have to stay until late night to have it and to be completely alone and enjoy the minimum silence and peaceful I could ever have in one day.
As a matter of facts , I do know. I'm inferior.
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