Was feeling upset

      I blog because I feel terribly upset with everything happened recently. There's no better way to express myself than this. No one would ever listen to me crapping my whole life was a mistake. So far , it still does. It doesn't matter how hard I'm struggling it and how hard I'm trying to change it. 

       The extremely upset haunted me in the middle of countless nights. Blogging would calm me down , novel would too if I was totally focused in it and my diary definitely would. I just wonder , how I would put these into words and speak to my friends? I don't know how to express and catch anyone's attention at all. There was too much time I jealous to somebody who would speak in front of crowded without fear , without a trembling hands behind and the asthmatic breath. Normally they are good in English and communication and even social. Everyone wants to friend with them don't you?

          In order to be that kind of person I must have the good language. People speak and communicate in English since they were knee high. Me? Uhhhh I just started like this year and still in no progress. Secondly you must be able to tell others what you're thinking. Me? I don't even know what I'm thinking. Thirdly you must able to catch other's attention. Oh well I'm not an attention seeker cause I'm not good at it. And that breaks me. People barely know me. I'm not tall not charming so no special. Everyone just lost interest in me that made me surprisingly heart feeling in everything.

       I hadn't care but I can't do it anymore. I used to care my friends only but now it seems I need to care others who happen doesn't even know my existence. It was simply because my friends started to care others like they suppose to. I don't social , I don't friend with others. I don't fake myself. I have no tolerance and patient to all the dramas and lies. I'm trustworthy to my friends and in return I hope they treat me the way I treat them. Oh , how good I found a friend like myself?  

        I hate staying in a school like this. It not worth for all the dramas. I hate this life. I was studying and studying. It was boring and I happen to fail. It just like everything you're trying is a waste of time cause you build nothing. I spend most of my time caring others who return can't help me in my possibly worst situation. And they were absent in your existing life. I hate internet chatting  , I hate social media. I can't tell you're happy or you're upset with something by your coldly words. I can't tell if you're hiding or faking something. I mean a friend in that stage should share most of the thing but you didn't happen to be. I hate this cause I knew everything behind which I pretend and hope it never happen. Internet chatting is never like face to face chatting. 

       I'm not particular mentioning about someone. Just some random feeling in my heart that I have no chance to let it off. There is some adjustment I need to do to myself. I'm the biggest problem. Well I'm speechless now. Guessing it's time to back to biology. 

      I need a getaway. I need rest. 2 months to go. Stay strong and I can finally get rid of form 6. 2 months , too much I look for that. I can do it!